How to Tackle the Midterm Melancholy: Building a Toolkit for Students and Caregivers

Written by Heba Khan, M.S.W., RSW

Assignments, tests, deadlines, managing friendships, extra-curriculars, the flu blues  and all the related stress and drama; sometimes midterm season feels like a juggling act no one can rehearse for. With school having started just a few weeks ago, students and caregivers are starting to notice an increase in anxiety, burnout, and stress related to doing it all. The “Midterm Melancholy” can be showing up in yourself or your child as feeling more tired recently, having less motivation or willingness overall, or feeling dread with tasks related to school. For a student, this might look like a lack of willingness to attend school, do homework, complete assignments or socialize with friends and it might start to be taking a toll on your mental well-being. Caregivers, you might be noticing a change in energy levels, decrease in willingness and an exhaustion that even sufficient sleep cannot quite fix. If this sounds like the experience you have been navigating since returning to school, worry not! DBT, or Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, has some skills that can be added to your toolkit to prepare for this new academic year of fun and memories.  

SKILL #1 — Mindfulness: 

A lot of people limit mindfulness to a 15-minute meditation practice that they have to schedule time for and end up not doing at all—because you guessed it—“they didn’t have time.” Let’s demystify mindfulness! Mindfulness is the intentional and conscious act of being aware, focused and present in the present moment without judgment. It is not just a 5-minute guided practice that you cram into your already tight schedule or a spa retreat on the West Coast (although that would be nice!). 

Mindfulness is meant to be practiced more frequently than that and the goal is to be mindful in every moment. Known to reduce suffering, misery and pain, mindfulness aims to keep us present in the current moment, without borrowing sadness from the past or worrying about the future so that we remain as effective as possible throughout our day. Paying attention to our own thoughts, emotions, and sensations while being aware of the environment that we are in can help us stay grounded and connected to ourselves, others and our goals. 

While there are limitless ways to practice mindfulness, here are a few for you to try out and add to your toolkit:

1. Observe — the skill of observation can be used anywhere by anyone. When we say observe, we invite everyone to use all of their senses to be present in the current moment. This can look like taking a walk on a fall day, noticing the colours, shapes, smells and tastes of the autumn season. The key with observing is to do it with an open mind and not assigning any words to the experience. Just Notice! 
2. Describe — This is the part where we start adding words to our experience. You might notice that in the middle of a conflict with someone, your emotions take over and you start feeling defensive or feeling the need to attack the other person to prove your point. Mindfulness is so important in these moments because it helps us have conversations while paying attention to our feelings without letting them overtake the entire conversation. When we use describe, we are to make like lawyers and present information that is directly observable using “I” statements. That wet towel on the bed transforms from “a mess that’s always there” to “I notice that I get really frustrated when I see the towel on the bed because…” and it gets us to be mindful and honour our own experience while being mindful of the impact we have on others, through descriptive facts. 
3. Participate — Some of us have a really hard time going with the flow because there is so much uncertainty about the flow like: “what time does it start? When does it end? Do I have to bring anything? Will I need my emotional support water bottle for the flow?” and not having these answers can be challenging to throw ourselves in the moment and make the most of it, and this applies everywhere. Stuck in traffic? Turn on your favourite music and have a roadside concert! Feeling bored in class? Throw yourself into the learning all the way without judgment! In your feels? Feel them all the way without feeling the need to act on them or be ineffective! Participate in all the moments of your life as much as possible because somehow these do end up being the “good ol’ days.”

SKILL #2 — PLEASE SKILLS: 

With the midterm season, we start to see an uptick in seasonal sickness, flus and over mental well-being decline with the change in seasons. The PLEASE skills are basically a reminder and request to please take care of yourself and your physical well-being as much as possible, and seek support from the people around you! These skills can be used separately and are usually most effective used together to take care of our overall health. We notice that when we use PLEASE skills, people are less vulnerable to intense emotions and less likely to engage in emotional decision-making which can be aversive to their health or goals. 

Here is how to incorporate the PLEASE Skills in your life: 

1. Treat Physical Illness: Make that doctor’s appointment, take care of your health, you might have natural remedies that run in the family to promote well-being.Make sure that you are taking care of your physical health to limit sickness or treat it when it does show up!   
2. Limit Screen Time: This applies to everyone! We are surrounded by screens all the time. At school, at work, in the home, our phones, TVs, computers and lives involve a lot of screen usage and it is our responsibility to set a healthy limit for ourselves. You might switch out phone time with a physical activity or reading a book, or couple listening to music with a run, or even deciding to pace yourself through a series you enjoy instead of finishing it all in one  sitting. You might benefit by adding a boundary or setting limits on your own devices as appropriate for your own needs and contexts.  
3. Balance Eating: No, DBT does not posit that we have to eat a certain amount of any colour or type of food! All we mean by balanced eating is to balance things you enjoy eating with the things your body needs to feel nourished,  healthy and happy. 
4. Avoid Mood Altering-Substances: If you have a big deadline coming up, or are trying to improve your sleep, or are in a situation where it is super important for you to be fully present, aware, alert and ready to go, it is best to avoid mood-altering substances. This could be as straightforward as avoiding caffeine around bedtime so that you don’t feel jittery or not smoking prior to a really important exam so that you can engage (participate) with the present moment as fully as possible!  
5. Balance Sleep: There is so much research out there that helps explain all the benefits of getting a good night’s sleep. Whether it’s mood benefits, health benefits, memory benefits, and overall just feeling more in rhythm, sleep is known to help improve functioning across the board. Everyone has a different need for sleep so it’s not just about getting the right amount, it’s also about sleeping well. This might look like setting up a routine around sleep, putting devices away by a certain time, winding down for the night and preparing for a restful sleep. 
6. Exercise: Research has shown that living a sedentary lifestyle (sitting down for many hours in a day) has really detrimental effects to our overall health. The goal with exercising for the purpose of maintaining well-being is to be physically active and moving around in a way that aligns with our capacity. Some people might enjoy going to the gym, others might enjoy dancing or playing a sport, while some might have a goal to go on a daily walk to explore their neighbourhood — all of these, and others, are sufficient in building a life with physical activity! 

The point is not to be in extremes with any of these skills. The point is to find a balance that works for you and to move towards healthier habits and build a life that is both please-ant and worth living! Please remember that the few skills highlighted above are only a starting point to managing and maintaining wellness as we adjust to the back-to-school season. Through this blog post, we aim to start a conversation about taking care of ourselves and our well-being as we get caught up in managing our new schedules and added pressures. If you would like to learn more about DBT Skills or are interested in working with a DBT Therapist, please connect with us for a free 15-minute consultation about how DBT might be a good fit for you at, https://andtherapy.ca/therapists/.